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November 1993 | Volume 51 | Number 3 Character Education Pages 36-39
Richard L. Curwin
For at-risk students, opportunities to help others may provide a way to break the devastating cycle of failure—to substitute caring for anger and replace low self-esteem with feelings of worth.
Bill, a 4th grader in a rural community, was surly, fought constantly, and did little schoolwork. The best way to describe his home life was toxic: an alcoholic mother, a father in jail, few friends. Bill had already started drinking heavily in times of stress.
In an unusual experiment, Bill's principal, school counselor, and teachers assigned him the task of helping a wheelchair-bound 1st grader on and off the bus everyday and being the child's protector. The only stipulation was that if Bill got into a fight, he couldn't help the 1st grader for the remainder of the day.
Bill took his assignment seriously, watching over the younger child like a mother might watch her baby. The children became friends, and one day when the younger student was ill, a teacher saw a tear coming out of Bill's eye. Bill did not become a model student. He still fought on occasion and struggled academically. But his attitude changed significantly. Someone was depending on him, and he felt needed and important.
For students with poor academic achievement, classrooms are a breeding ground for feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. At-risk students are continually confronted with failure and told they are worthless. Many schools try to compensate by offering special programs to increase self-esteem. However, even the best activities do not significantly influence children who continually receive negative messages about themselves. Children are acutely aware of where they stand in the school community and how teachers and other students perceive them. Thus, a “Catch-22” is created. Students will rarely be successful in school without hopeful attitudes, but they need to be successful before they can feel optimistic.
One way to break this cycle is to actualize the basic human need to be altruistic. Two decades of declining altruism in our culture show how powerful this need is, and what happens when it is ignored.
When we help at-risk students, we inadvertently give them the message that they are in an inferior position. Reversing this role builds pride. Students feel good when they see themselves as genuinely useful. Helping others is therapeutic. No smiley faces, silly marbles, or point systems are necessary. Altruism is an antidote to cynicism, encouraging those who “couldn't care less, ” to begin to “care more.”
To understand the power of helping others, ask yourself which enhances your self-concept more: Someone you love says “I need you,” or someone you love says “You need me.”
My son David illustrated this phenomenon when he was a sophomore in high school. I was asked to help a group of teachers work through a serious school problem. When one of the key teachers canceled an hour before the meeting because her baby-sitter couldn't make it, David saved the day by volunteering to take care of her 4-year-old at the school site.
When David and I arrived, the child was cranky and wouldn't leave his mother's side. Several teachers tried to distract him by making things with his Legos. Intuitively, David sat beside the boy and asked what the Legos were. The child said, “You build things with them.” David asked the child to show him how to build something. For the duration of the meeting, the youngster taught David how to make things with Legos. Why did the child resist learning about Legos, but eagerly teach about them? Because as a teacher, he was competent, important—and in control. The same phenomenon applies to at-risk children.
Educational settings offer a wide variety of helping opportunities, but additional ones can be created with a little careful planning. Time can also be found before and after school or during free-time activity, lunch, study hall, or recess. Here are some points to remember:
Many opportunities are available for students to participate in helping activities—both within and outside the school day. Here are some examples.
These examples illustrate that altruism is a powerful concept. When given the responsibility to be caretakers, tutors, and helpers of people in need, at-risk students respond responsibly—often in dramatic ways.
No longer do the labels “bad,” “slow,” or “at-risk” apply. The change in labeling comes not from discussions or activities about self-concept, but from genuine experiences. Those who are helped don't see the students as failures, so the labels become inappropriate. The attitudes of all concerned are forced to adjust. And changes in attitudes lead to hope—something that at-risk students desperately need.
Author's note: This article was adapted from my 1992 book, Rediscovering Hope: Our Greatest Teaching Strategy, (Bloomington, Ind.: N.E.S.).
Richard L. Curwin is an author and a consultant to schools and parents. He may be reached at 2119 27th Ave., San Francisco, CA 94116.
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