Every adult remembers bullies: the larger kids who tripped smaller students in the halls, punched people after school when no one else was around, or spread lies to embarrass and humiliate others.
Every child knows the catch-22 of trying to deal with a bully: Fighting back—if you can—gets you in trouble (or worse), but telling teachers and parents about the hostility can anger the bully further and exacerbate the problem. Eventually, going to school becomes an activity to be dreaded rather than eagerly anticipated.
Although bullying was long regarded as an unfortunate rite of passage in childhood, perceptions of bullying began to change in recent years in response to a number of well-publicized school incidents. But even as officials adopted new policies after tragic shootings at schools in Littleton, Colo., and Taber, Alberta, sources familiar with bullying say that stamping it out remains difficult for educators.
"Bullying is very prevalent in our society," says Bill Belsey, a former teacher and the founder of bullying.org, a Web site dedicated to helping students, parents, and teachers deal with bullying and its effects. "It happens about once every seven minutes in schools, and the scars can last a lifetime."
Complicating the problem is the fact that, sadly, bullying has entered the 21st century: "Cyber bullying," the use of threatening electronic messages, is now a growing part of the harassment and intimidation some students face. Officials say that cyber bullying, like more overt forms of bullying, must be confronted early to prevent the problem from becoming more serious down the line.
A Pervasive Problem
Contrary to popular belief, physical altercations are actually the least common form of bullying, according to sources. "Bullying is the conscious, willful, and deliberately hostile activity intended to harm someone else for pleasure," says Barbara Coloroso, a former classroom teacher and author of The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander.
Bullying is also more widespread in schools than many people believe. "The Kaiser Foundation, in conjunction with Nickelodeon, found that 86 percent of students—boys and girls—between the ages of 12 and 15 get taunted or bullied at school," Coloroso says. "That makes it more pervasive than drugs, alcohol, or sex among the same age group."
The fact that girls can be bullied or bully others may seem unusual to some, but experts familiar with the issue say it's surprisingly common—and increasing. "Everyone always felt that boys do more bullying," says Stephen Wessler, director of the Center for the Prevention of Hate Violence in Portland, Me., and coauthor of the ASCD book The Respectful School: How Educators and Students Can Conquer Hate and Harassment. Boys may physically bully more frequently, he says, "but teachers tell me that girls engage in exclusion to a much greater degree than boys. That can be just as emotionally destructive to a girl as more explicit forms of harassment."
Other experts agree that times have changed. "Girls actually bully morethan boys," says Michelle MacPherson, a social worker with the Department of Family and Community Services in New Brunswick, Canada, who has worked with schools to enact antibullying programs. "At one time, boys bullied more than girls, but now girls are much more physical. When you factor in the verbal and relational aspects of bullying, they're bullying a lot more than boys."
Bullying Goes Digital
The different methods of bullying have also begun including a new and alarmingly growing practice: cyber bullying. "Cyber bullying is the use of information and communication technologies—e-mail, cell phones, pagers, text messages, instant messaging, defamatory personal Web sites, personal polling sites, or a combination of these—to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behavior by an individual or group for the intention of harming others," says Belsey. "It started a few years ago, and it's getting bigger."
Wessler describes one incident that typifies the danger and difficulties associated with cyber bullying: A student received an e-mail at home telling him to check out a particular Web site. When he went to the site, the student found it contained a number of threats against him. When he logged off the site, a simulated explosion took place and the site vanished from the Internet. "That kind of technical expertise makes [cyber bullying] very difficult to track," Wessler adds.
Telling students to disconnect from the Web or turn off their cell phones misses the point, according to Belsey. "People need to realize our kids are growing up in a different world," he says. "This is the always-on generation. While adults can turn off that cell phone or pager, for kids it's either a way of staying connected or being left out. The pressure to belong is just so strong."
Promoting Prevention
Given the prevalence of bullying and its increasing complexity, choosing appropriate responses can be a challenge. The most important step, experts say, is getting students and members of the faculty involved immediately to create a school climate that does not tolerate abusive behavior.
"The key to combating bullying is education and awareness, because until it becomes repugnant and unaccepted by the silent majority, it will be seen as a right of passage in childhood and a part of growing up," says MacPherson. She argues that bullying should be regarded as comparable to drunk driving: it may have been regarded as largely harmless at one time, but its tragic consequences are now so well known that it should never be tolerated or ignored. "For a lot of people, bullying has just been considered part of growing up. But now we have kids killing each other and themselves, so that perspective needs to change," she adds.
When a child is bullied, experts advise educators to intercede with the proper approach. Coloroso, for instance, says that there are four steps to take:
- Do not minimize, rationalize, or explain the behavior away. Tell the student that you hear and understand what is happening so that he or she does not feel helpless and alone.
- Reassure the child that what is happening is not his or her fault. This is critical, experts say, because bullying's effects can last into adulthood. "I had a red-headed woman who was 20 come up to me after a session I gave and tell me that it was the first time she had learned that it was not her fault that other kids set her hair on fire when she was a child," Coloroso says. "Up until she was an adult, she had always thought that there was something wrong with her."
- Teach children how to respond appropriately. Encourage children who are being bullied verbally to stand up for themselves and not to permit others to be bullied when they are present. "William Boroughs said that there are no innocent bystanders," Coloroso adds. "Peers can intervene, even with humor."
- Encourage children to report bullying that they experience or witness. "As educators, we need to make it clear through strong antibullying programs and procedures that this behavior will not be tolerated in school," says Coloroso.
When dealing with cyber bullying, Belsey and other experts encourage students to practice the same safe “netiquette” as adults:
- Never open messages from people you do not know.
- Do not respond to hostile messages.
- Do not permit yourself to be drawn into a war of words over the Internet.
If the pattern of electronic harassment continues, experts encourage students to save offending messages as evidence and to tell an adult. (For more information on cyber bullying, see http://www.cyberbullying.ca.)
Such close support by parents and educators is critical to combating bullying, sources say. "Many teachers don't recognize bullying as a problem that they need to confront in their classrooms," says Larry Swartz, an instructor at the University of Toronto who gives workshops to students and teachers about the effects of bullying. "Teachers should know what they need to do to implement the healthy strategies that are necessary to deal with bullies, and they also need to prepare students who are being bullied by others."
Other experts agree. "Very few educators receive instruction in [dealing with] bullying," Belsey says. "But it's something we all need to understand. You can have the best school system in the world with the best teachers in the world. But if a kid is frightened or scared to come to school, it won't matter. That child won't be able to learn."
