They've come in a tidal wave—one news story after another announcing and denouncing the prevalence of bullying in U.S. schools. Most widely cited as evidence was a survey by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD), which reported that 30 percent of school children in grades 6 to 10 had been involved in bullying, either as a victim or a perpetrator. But in the middle of the uproar, the line between bullying and other kinds of student behavior has sometimes been blurred, with boisterous gym activities and aggressive play being condemned for turning virtuous youngsters into classroom thugs. Many experts agree that the distinction is important: bullying is reprehensible, but other types of conflict are all right—necessary, even, for preparing children for lives that are certain to include at least a little discord.
Despite their views on childhood aggression in general, most experts agree that bullying—when a child or group repeatedly picks fights with or taunts another, weaker child—has a definite negative effect on the bullied child's education experience. "It takes a tremendous toll," says Scott Poland, president of the National Association of School Psychologists. "It interferes with many children's ability to maximize their academic performance. They are simply not in a frame of mind where they can do their best. It doesn't matter how good that English lesson is this afternoon—if somebody just humiliated me in the hallway, or somebody's threatening to kick my blank after school today, I'm in no position to benefit."
Many U.S. schools are recognizing the problem, and are implementing anti-bullying programs as part of the school day. But even without a structured anti-bullying curriculum, teachers have tremendous power to send the message that bullying is never acceptable, say experts. Addressing bullying is "best done through the interactions that normally occur between adults and children," says Tonja Nansel, post-doctoral fellow at the NICHD. She notes that even with designed programs, "one of the most effective components is simply getting teachers to intervene when they observe bullying happening. By not intervening, in essence they're passively saying that this is okay behavior."
Experts say it is also helpful for a school to present a united front against bullying, and not leave it to classroom teachers to combat the problem individually. "Schools need to get a commitment from the faculty and the principal, and get the kids themselves involved in doing something about it," says Poland.
"Let the children make the rules," suggests Cosby Rogers, professor of human development at Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University in Blacksburg. Teachers can start out by saying something like, "I think if we're going to live together for a year, we need to make some rules. Is it all right if we hit each other?" That way, she says, "the class as a whole can begin to control the bully. It's not just the teacher's job."
Rogers notes that beyond physiological requirements, there are four things that children, and all people, need: attention, power, love, and competence. Bullying is the way some children who lack these elements in their lives try to get them, she says.
"Give those children a positive role for getting attention," Rogers advises. For instance, "we always give 'good' kids the little jobs to do, like taking a note to the office or watering the plants. Those other guys who need attention, they need jobs, too. If they're physically aggressive, they need jobs that only physically aggressive and strong persons can do," such as moving a desk or carrying a large stack of books.
Appropriate Aggression?
So, with everything from day care to Duck Duck Goose under attack as a promoter of student aggression, should schools emphasize harmony above all else? Should teachers mete out punishment for a mean look in homeroom and discourage warrior-like attitudes in the gym? Before administrators start shipping school dodgeballs to the Smithsonian, they should listen to experts who note that aggression does not necessarily equal bullying or "bad" behavior, and that allowing some squabbles among children is necessary to teach them how to navigate life's inevitable confrontations.
"A certain amount of conflict is to be expected among children," says Nansel. "They're learning how to get along with each other, how to interact. They're maturing, and it's very common for children to say or do things that may be hurtful as they're learning what's acceptable in our society and what's not."
"There are always conflicts as long as there are people with needs," adds Rogers. She notes that children engage in such disputes starting at a very early age, when they discover they must share things, like crayons or books, with their peers. "It's important for children to learn to negotiate these conflicts without adult intervention. That's when you just sit back and let them argue it out, [as long as] nobody's getting hurt."
Moreover, Rogers says that what can seem like intense physical fighting among children is often just another form of play. "Boys do [something called] play fighting, and it looks like somebody is going to get hurt. Usually there's pushing and shoving and running, and teachers think, 'I need to get this under control.' If it's a real fight, it's a different thing. But if it's play fighting, they are learning to go to the edge of aggression, and then pull back. Play fighting is important because boys learn when to stop, they learn self-control, and they pull back just before somebody gets hurt."
The Committee for Children, an organization devoted to promoting the well-being and social development of children, has created guidelines for distinguishing play fighting from real fighting or bullying to help teachers decide when to intervene. Children who are play fighting typically have positive and neutral facial expressions, choose to join a fight as opposed to being forced, and remain together after a fight is over.
When students start roughhousing during recess, teachers should observe but try not to interfere unless they feel a student is in danger, Rogers recommends. Yet there are ways to help children learn from "violent" play. "They're going to do it anyway—and then you can lead it to a different outcome," she says. "There are good guides that recommend that you join the play. And when a child points his finger at you and says, 'Bang! Bang!' you drop dead. Or you fall over, and yell, 'Help! Someone call the ambulance! Call my parents! I need help, I think I'm dying!' You become the victim, and you let the outcomes be known—that when you do use weapons of violence, somebody gets hurt."
Zero Tolerance=Zero Flexibility
When a teacher or school determines that a student's aggressive or bullying behavior does need to be addressed, many experts agree that zero-tolerance policies, though well intentioned, often don't teach children the difference between what is proper and what is inappropriate.
"In the United States, we tend to react to something that we perceive as bad by saying, 'Well, we're just going to have zero tolerance, and that's going to fix it,'" Nansel says. "I think we need to recognize that when we choose those policies, it's for safety and not because it's going to fix the problem." Instead, experts advocate more proactive approaches such as peer mediation and conflict resolution.
"Zero-tolerance policies are good in theory," Poland says, noting that they are often implemented to prevent certain children from getting special treatment when it comes to breaking the rules. "We have to somehow refine them, so we're not taking away an administrator's ability to make a good decision."
Blame the Standards?
As if there weren't enough controversy over the standards movement, some experts say that the increasing focus on test scores may distract attention from the problem of bullying. "High-stakes testing has swept the country," says Poland. "Academics are important, but legislatures and our current president have not given educators the message that how we treat each other is [just as] important. Nobody is mandating time and resources to work on anger management and learning to get along."
"This testing thing has just gone crazy," agrees Rogers. "We absolutely must attend to the whole child. We must help our legislators understand that education must be for the whole child—the body, the mind, and the spirit."
