As a new teacher, nothing intimidated me more than calling a parent or holding a parent-teacher conference. Although these events became easier with experience, I did not become skilled at these conversations until I became a parent myself. As a father, I know that a number or letter grade does not define my child. But as a new teacher, I am heartbroken to recall, I often began parent conferences by saying, "Jerome has an F in my class, so far." It should have been no surprise that these conversations only went downhill from there.
These days, I work with teachers and administrators on building bridges with families. I remind teachers that parents—even the oppositional, seemingly uninvolved, or helicopter parents—are your most important ally. Here's how to build those bridges:
- Start every conversation with parents on a positive note. Leading with a strength or interest the student recently displayed lets parents know you've taken time to get to know their child's likes and learning styles. This is an effective and respectful way to initiate constructive dialogue that you might later need when broaching more challenging topics such as grades, missing homework, or attendance.
- Meet parents where they are. Structured conferences can be intimidating to parents, not to mention logistically prohibitive. I find parents at sporting events, band concerts, and community functions. Some of my best parent conferences happened after a play or during halftime at a football game. Coming directly to parents and engaging in informal, impromptu meetings often leads to more meaningful conversations—and gives you the opportunity to show that you care enough about their kids to watch them perform in extracurriculars.
- Learn from parents. Before I became a father, I would often deliver feedback on what I thought was best for the child. Now, I realize there is so much to learn from parents, and I counsel teachers to ask parents for ideas. What motivates your son? What can I do differently to engage your daughter in the classroom? This strategy is empowering to parents who feel disenfranchised in the school setting and defuses the seemingly hyperinvolved parents.As a father of children with disabilities, I know firsthand that partnering with parents is even more powerful for students with challenges. Whether working with a student who struggles with English or navigating through IEP and 504 regulations, it is important to keep in mind that the families are the experts on their children. When we harness our collective experience and expertise, we become a team in "our" children's success.
As a teacher, it was easy to feel like the expert on my students. When I became a parent and a teacher, I realized how I'd squandered one of my greatest resources—parent expertise and collaboration. By using these strategies, I was able to create an environment that welcomed both students and their parents so that we could accelerate learning together.