For two years, I balanced the stress of work with the stress of my mother battling cancer at home. In March of 2015, as units were ending and exams were hitting their peak, and right before a highly anticipated spring break, my mother passed away suddenly, while I was at work. I knew that when I returned from my bereavement, three of the most stressful months of school would stand between me and summer break.
As teachers, we have degrees in caring for others. We have been hardwired to put our students' needs before our own. My mother's passing demanded that I restructure my life, get centered, and stay focused on a life that would sustain me both professionally and personally. Here's how I changed.
Becoming a Whole Teacher
I began with my health. Upon hearing my mother's diagnosis, I immediately joined a gym and got serious about my nutrition. I found that the combination of whole foods and exercise gave me the energy I needed to withstand the stressors of the day and the physical and emotional demands of home.
I left work at work. As a teacher, it's hard, and sometimes impossible, to leave your work on your desk. However, I had to accept that the school and my class would go on without me. During the preparation for my mother's home-going services, I had to physically and mentally disconnect from work and the mounds of paperwork I left at school. Along with feelings of loss over my mother, I struggled with the guilt of leaving my students for an extended period of time. I realized that if I did not detach myself from my work and students, I would later resent not taking this time to grieve, and that would negatively affect my teaching. When I returned from my bereavement, I decided that there had to be a hard start and stop time to my work each day. Setting these start and stop times increased my productivity, because it focused me on what I needed to do to run my classes successfully.
My family truly became my number-one priority. As teachers, our connection to friends and family sustains us. Even though I knew this, I would still check e-mails and create lesson materials during "family time." With my new rule to leave work at work, I was able to dedicate my full attention to enjoying my family and friends, and that has helped rejuvenate and restore me before each work day.
I started to say, 'Thanks, but I won't be able to." Losing any close family member has a way of shining a light on where your time and energy are spent. Knowing that my mother passed away while I stayed an extra, unnecessary hour after school has been my one regret. At the time, I wasn't telling people around me, "No." As teachers, we will always have opportunities to be more involved or create more job security. I had to begin to say, "Thanks for the thinking of me to participate in ________, but I won't be able to." By taking this stance, I have control over where I spend my time, and I don't inwardly loathe projects because I am choosing who and what I give my time to.
I made myself an appointment on my daily and weekly calendar. Just like I would pencil in working lunches, meetings, and doctor's appointments, I created a time slot for me. Whether that's an hour of uninterrupted reading or watching my favorite show, or getting a manicure or highlights, I made time for myself and made it mandatory. Sometimes doing something completely different can be the brain break I need to attack the next project. Believe it or not, some of my best ideas for lessons come to me while doing something completely noneducational.
Mom Knew Best
These changes were not easy to implement, but they were necessary for my overall health and emotional healing. Before I started anything, my mother would always remind me, "Stay focused." Mom was right. Incorporating these strategies into my everyday life has helped me do just that.