Much of what we know about the powerful influence of relationships on learning and cognition emanates from the work of the child psychologist Lev Vygotsky. He (1962) asserted that language, conversation, and relationships are central to learning and brain development. Human beings are relational, and research indicates that respectful, inclusive, and connected relationships are integral to the overall safety and well-being of individuals, families, schools, and communities (Whitlock, 2006). A plethora of research affirms the importance of nurturing relationships in schools; but to put this research into action, innovative and evidence-based practices are essential.
The Deed, Not the Doer
Restorative practice (RP) is an approach to problem-solving in the school setting, with relationships at its core. When conflicts arise in our school communities—due to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, competing needs and interests, broken rules, differences of opinions, and behaviors that have brought harm to others—we provide opportunities for all involved to share honestly about what happened, listen empathetically to each other's perspectives, accept ownership for one's role, repair any harm, and restore positive relationships within the community. Further, school staff demonstrate care by establishing firm and clear expectations for student behaviors while communicating that, although we might not like misbehavior, we still care about the welfare and well-being of each individual. In other words, a restorative, relationship-affirming approach to problems "separates the deed from the doer."
Working with Students
According to Costello, J. Wachtel, and T. Wachtel (2010), the primary philosophy of RP asserts that people do better and are happier and more successful when those in authority do things with them (restorative, authoritative) rather than to them (punitive, authoritarian), for them (permissive, overprotective), or not at all (neglectful, indifferent). For example, school staff who seek to do things restoratively with students
- value the voices and experiences of students and their families, embracing differences and diverse cultural backgrounds
- model behaviors they want to see
- are firm, fair, and warm
- behave assertively rather than aggressively
- focus on repairing, healing, and teaching needed skills
- achieve compliance through relationships, communication, and community, rather than through coercion and force
School staff engaged in restorative and relational approaches are exponentially more effective in motivating students to achieve than those who seem disconnected from students' real-world problems at best or are adversarial at worst. Implemented well, restorative practices shift the focus of discipline from retribution—which frequently leads the punished to become angry with the punisher rather than to reflect on and accept responsibility for their behaviors—to increased accountability for those participating in wrongdoing and a renewed sense of community for all those involved in the restorative process.
Circles and Restorative Questions
RP offers a multitier system of supports that provides restorative approaches for all students at the primary level (Tier I), for some students at the secondary prevention level (Tier II), and more intensely for a few students at the tertiary level (Tier III) (see table). Circle talks are a helpful tool in Tiers I and II. In the circle, participation is voluntary, everyone has an opportunity to speak, and the focus is on building inclusive relationships and repairing harm by respectfully discussing problems. With these guidelines, sitting in a circle to discuss a conflict encourages accountability, caring relationships, and school connectedness. In the circle, participation is voluntary, everyone has an opportunity to speak, and the focus is on building inclusive relationships and repairing harm.
Across all tiers, restorative questions are a tool for teaching perspective, empathy, and conflict resolution skills; assuming responsibility for wrongdoing; and repairing harm (Abramson, 2014). Additionally, restorative questions can empower those affected or harmed by wrongdoing. A facilitator makes the process fair to all parties involved. Some restorative questions include
- What happened? (Follow up: Are you willing to consider multiple perspectives about what happened?)
- Who was affected and harmed by what happened and in what way?
- What do you think must happen to repair the harm and prevent it from happening again?
The restorative questions provide opportunities for students to think critically and reflect on their actions and how they have affected other people. Depending on the circumstances, restorative questions are appropriate for a variety of situations, ranging from informal conversations with individual students, small groups, or the whole class to highly formal small group conferences with a trained facilitator. This table provides possible restorative practices, along with their appropriate tier.
Restoring Human Connections Amidst Conflict-table
Tier | Level | Restorative Practice |
|---|---|---|
| Tier I | "Universal: All Students" | community-building and peacemaking circles, informal conversations guided by restorative questions, caring relationships before rules and standards, an inclusive school climate, establishment of common values, trauma-informed care, restorative conversations with parents |
| Tier II | Secondary: Some Students | impromptu restorative conversations, conflict mediation, restorative conferences, peacekeeping agreements, trauma-informed care, apologies, restorative questions, parental engagement |
| Tier III | "Tertiary: Few Students" | alternatives to suspensions and expulsions, formal restorative conferences with a trained facilitator, repairs to harmful actions, formal apologies, reintegration after suspension or expulsion without shaming or blaming, restorative questions, collaborative consequences, parental engagement |
From Punish to Heal and Repair
L. R. Knost, founder of Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting, writes that, "Discipline is helping a child solve a problem. Punishment is making a child suffer for having a problem. To raise problem-solvers, focus on solutions and not retribution." This embodies the central paradigm shift of a restorative approach. It means moving away from the mindset that, in order to have a safe and high-performing school, adults must exert power over students and punish them for wrongdoing. A restorative approach to conflict acknowledges that human beings are relational and seek social engagement. Educators who make this shift embrace the mindset that all students thrive when we work with them to select consequences that best serve the values of our school community.